Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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