Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
