I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
