Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
