I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
