you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
