I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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