I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
