I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
