yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
