WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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