can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
