do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
