Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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