Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My butt remains clenched, sir.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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