cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
