Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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