I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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