Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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