dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
