Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
