Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
