they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
