theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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