just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
