you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
