I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
