I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
