sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I love having hate sex.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
