Your face is a jimmy john
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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