based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
