People with herpes should wear stickers.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
