Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
