Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
