I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
