i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
