Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
