thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
