She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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