I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
