My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
