Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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