My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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