Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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