your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Randomize
