Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
