I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
