Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
