That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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