Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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